Guilty Pleasures
by Tear-Stained-Rose
Summary: Betrayal,hate,truelove,hate turned to love,and undieng friendship,make this the greatest love story AND dramatic tragedy...not your average LJ ficcy. RR PLease:)
1. Chapter 1

**Lilly fliped her long red hair swirled golden highlights over her shoulder. She sat chewing on the end of her pen, her **

**rich emereld green eyes gazing off into the distance. She couldn't bring herself to write the report on the difference **

**and simmularitys bewteen vampires and werewolves. She slamed her book shut, and shoved her things back into **

**her bag, knowing how much she was goning to regret it in the morning at breakfast while she was getting ready for **

**classes. But she would manage. For now she wanted to go see her boyfriend. Lilly draged her bag upstairs into her **

**dorm. Her three bestfriends were sitting on their beds talking about something about their new Good Charlotte cd. **

**Except for Cassie who was practicly snoring into her text book,sound asleep. Her long blonde hair was spread out **

**in a tangled mess. Makayla perked up when she walked in.  
**

**"Sissie, you wouldn't belive how much homework Magonagal gave me."  
**

**Lilly sighed.  
**

**"You would be surprised."  
**

**"SO you got loaded to." Marisa more confirmed then asked.  
**

**I noded glumly.  
**

**Makayla grined,"Well it's 7th year what do you excpect?"  
**

**Lilly grined in-wardly. Makayla could find humor in anything. She studied her two friends closely. Makayla was tall **

**and willowy with VERY curly blondish-brown hair that just passed her shoulders and sky blue eyes. Marisa was **

**quite short and a little bit chubby with waist length dark brown hair and amber eyes.  
**

**"Do you know where Lizzy is?"marisa asked.  
**

**"She was supposed to help me with some quidicth practice."  
**

**"You know i could help"Lilly replied.  
**

**"Ya i knoiw but it makes Lizzy feel important."Marsa said, grining.  
**

**"I think she's in the libarey."  
**

**"OK, see ya"with that Marisa was out of the room.  
**

**"Wanna go bug Katrina?"Makayla asked.  
**

**Katrina was the often target of her friends to be "buged" by as she got very anoyed and told them to shut up, which **

**was half the fun.  
**

**"Not now, i'm gonna go see Rem."  
**

**Makayla rolled her eyes and layed back down on the bed pulling out a bottle of nailpolish.  
**

**"K later sissie."  
**

**"ya later kayla."  
**

**Then she went outside to 'the marauder's tree'  
**

**She didn't really want to go as she would probeley see the arragont king pig of the marauders, James Potter. Just **

**thinking of him made anger rise up in the back of her throught. He was so selfabsorbed. Just because he was **

**atractive didn't mean the world revoled auround him.  
**

**In 5th year he had been totally absessed with her and asked her every chance he could get to got out with him. yet **

**he knew how she hated bullying yet he kept doing it mostly to SNape. Maybe she didn't like snape much but she **

**hated people who put others down to make themselves feel suprior. SO maybe he had changed, which was what **

**everyojne else said but she didn't give a shit. She still hated him, wih a passion. She arived at the tree. The group of **

**4 were siting at the base of the tree studying a chart of some sort. Peter was figideting like normally kneeling on **

**his knees looking over sirus's shoulder for answers to his homwork. His chubby face lined with puzzement. His **

**mudy brown eyes shinibng with that same emotion. Sirus was leaning on the tree scribbling on a peice of papper **

**his head bent over slightly so that his shoulder length wavy ebony hair hung in front of his face shading his dark **

**saphire blue eyes that constantly gleamed with mischeif and an attractive amount of rebellion. That made girls **

**fawn over him. James leaning slightly on sirus causally with the comfort of strong friendship was by far the tallest. **

**He was atleast 6 foot his lean bulging muscles outlined by his white school shirt the sleeves of the pressed shirt **

**pushed to his elbows and his permantly tousled hair was pushed away from his face. His deep choclate eyes **

**wacthing Lilly intently and silently. But her eyes quikly found remus who was reading some large dusty novel. His **

**midlength dirty blonde hair framing his almost heart shaped face with his eyes the color of a stormy sky not quite **

**blue or gray and his bottam heavy lips that bent downwards at the corners giving him a permant wistful look. His **

**beauty lay in the sweet innocence tha pulsed from him. When he saw her he quikly rose.  
**

**"Hey Lils."he said fondly.  
**

**She smiled at him.  
**

**"Hey."  
**

**He gave her a gentle kiss.**

**And took her hand guding her away from his friends.  
**

**"So what's up?"  
**

**"Well nothing much. Oh except that me and Cassie are going to start the muggle dance class."  
**

**Remus looked at her confused,"What, why?  
**

**"Well we have an extra class and thought it would be fun."  
**

**He noded "OK." then he deceiced not to tell her that James was taking the same class. she'd find out soon enough. **

**Not knowing that if he had told her the breaking of his heart and the lost of his true love could have been spared.  
**

**"So you wanna go for a walk?"he asked.  
**

**"Sure." she replied.  
**

**Then they linked arms and walked off. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Lilly and Cassie took their seats. They choose the ones in the front over the ones in the back. When the classroom was full and everyone was siting, **

**the door opened. A woman walked into the room. She was about averege height but that was where the 'averegeness' stoped. SHe had bright **

**purple hair to macth bright iolet eyes. SHe had on red leather pants so tight you could hardly tell which was the pants and which was her skin. Then **

**she had on a hot pink shirt with one sleeve and it was sparkly silver. Her hair had neon green feathers woven in her curly hair. And last but certintly not **

**least she had on about 6 inch black heeled boots, with rhinestones.  
**

**She walked to the end of the room the stood and faced the class.  
**

**"hello class!!!! I'm Professer Mavis Freestone I 'm here to teach you all the art of dancing muggle style. I thought we could go back in time and start **

**with swing dancing."  
**

**There was a little gasp that went throw the group.  
**

**Then the door opened and James Potter walked in.  
**

**"Sorry i'm late Profe.............."  
**

**He cut off short when he saw the 'professer."  
**

**"What am i missing here?"  
**

**Lilly's tmeper snaped,not that it was hard for him to snap her temper.  
**

**"Your missing brains, talent, and everything else that matters."  
**

**He glared at her,"I meant what had the professer said when i was gone, carrot top."  
**

**Professer Freestone steped forward. "Exsuce me Mr......."  
**

**"Potter" he said turning on his fake as rhinestones charm.  
**

**"Wewll then Mr.Potter take a seat. You see we where just talking about swing danceing." **

**He gawked a bit but sat down. Cassie raised her hand.  
**

**"Yes Ms........."  
**

**"Verkade , isn't Swing danceing a bit um.........old."  
**

**"well of course darling, but it will be quite fun to learn about different style danceing then our normal style?"  
**

**Cassie mumered something like yes but she looked very doubtful.  
**

**"So class does anyone here even know how to swing dance............even a little?"  
**

**Lilly heisttated but she raised her hand.  
**

**"yes ms..........."  
**

**"Lilly Evans."  
**

**"OK Ms. Evans how much do you know?"  
**

**"Probeley jack shit." James muttered.  
**

**Lilly rose to her feet.  
**

**"For your imformation Smart ass, i studied for two years and i was at the top of my class."  
**

**James stood too.  
**

**"Well Ms. KNow-it-all i can swing dance to probley 10 times better then you."  
**

**Professer Freestone beamed.  
**

**"Fab. Then you two can be partners!!! Well next lesson bring workout colthes. Class dimissed."  
**

**"WHAT!!!!"  
**

**James and Lilly exclamed at the same time.  
**

**Lilly looked over at Cassie who was grinning her head off.  
**

**"God cassie you are so excited about me and me most hated rival being partners, i swear your annoying."  
**

**Cassie just grined and fliped her blonde hair with red streaks over her shoulder.  
**

**"But you still love me cuz i'm your bestfriend right."  
**

**Lilly rolled her eyes, "If it weren't for that i'd probeley strangle you along with Makayla and Marisa."  
**

**"we feel the same way about you darling i'm sure."  
**

**  
**

**James grinded his teeth togeather when he saw Lilly walking over so they could start practicing. Hoq in the world was he gonna do this. He bit his **

**botttam lip so hard that he could taste blood spurting into his mouth.  
**

**"Listen up Potter i don't like this anymore then you do, probeley less, so let's just act like complete strangers and get this over with.  
**

**"Fine "he grunted.  
**

**Then lilly sliped off her clock and she was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  
**

**James slipped off his and his was also wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  
**

**Ms.freestone started the music.  
**

**James swung Lilly up over his head then droped her ungracefully on the mat.  
**

**"Opps silly me."  
**

**Lilly stood up she was practiclly frothing at the mouth.  
**

**She raised her fist and brought it into contact with jame's face. Everyone could hear the distint cracking of a bone breaking then blood spurting out of **

**his nose.  
**

**"Potter hospital wing and dettiontion at 8. And yes you've got dettintion too Miss.Evans now go see dumbledor, and leave my class intill you can act **

**like a 7th year and not a 5 year old."  
**

**she turned and ignored Lilly. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, thanks you guys for your replys i really appriciate them, more then you can know. :) I've been a little un confident about my writeing so postive reviews are great. Though suggestions are very welcome also. As are flames i just ask you put them respectively.**

**hogabobanewtonpoo: LOL yes i know i just sucks at spelling and i don't get much time on the computer so i can't really edit it but thanks i will work on that. ;)**

**greengrl: Thanks you :)**

**ChinChila1369: Thanks you so much, here's the next update just for you :P wink wink**

**Lily grabed her books and shoved them in her bag. She stomped out of the awestruck classroom slamming the door hard behind her not bothering to **

**wait for Cassie.  
**

**She practicly ran all the way to the dorm. Then she through herself on her bed and screamed into her pillow.  
**

**Makayla came and sat at the end of the bed. Hey sis, what's up?  
**

**"Oh, nothing i'm just partnered with JAMES POTTER in swing dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Lily screamed in dusgust at the top of her lungs.  
**

**"Jeese, god Lily calm down."  
**

**Lily had a tear rolling down her cheek "I'm gonna die i'm gonna fucking die."  
**

**Makayla knew it was no good to tell her James wasn't that bad and just scooted close to her and huged her.  
**

**"It's ok."  
**

**Marisa walked in.  
**

**Makayla looked over, "Lilly and Ja.............."  
**

**"I know i heard Lilly inform you, so did the rest of the CommonRoom."  
**

**Lilly let out a half laugh and half sob.  
**

**"I was really that loud?"  
**

**"yep."  
**

**Marisa said and sat down next to her.  
**

**"Lilly there's no point in crying it will just give James the winning scorce, instead you have to work your ass off and show how much better you are then **

**him."  
**

**Lilly grined "you know your right!"  
**

**Marisa was grinning because she knew Sirus had just told James the same thing, poor lily and James they had such evil friends. :p**

**Lilly looked over at Cassie who was grinning her head off.  
**

**"God Cassie you are so excited about me and me most hated rival being partners, i swear your annoying."  
**

**Cassie just grined and fliped her blonde hair with red streaks over her shoulder.  
**

**"But you still love me cuz i'm your bestfriend right?"  
**

**Lilly rolled her eyes, "If it weren't for that i'd probeley strangle you along with Makayla and Marisa."  
**

**"we feel the same way about you darling i'm sure."  
**

**  
**

**James grinded his teeth togeather when he saw Lilly walking over so they could start practicing. How in the world was he gonna do this. He bit his **

**botttam lip so hard that he could taste blood spurting into his mouth.  
**

**"Listen up Potter i don't like this anymore then you do, probeley less, so let's just act like complete strangers and get this over with."  
**

**"Fine "he grunted.**

**All the kids in the classrom grined openly at each other waiting with anticipation for a fight to began. Like vultures swooping down over a freshly killed **

**deer.  
**

**Lily sliped off her clock and she was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  
**

**James slipped off his and his was also wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  
**

**Ms.freestone started the music.**

**Her violet eyes sparkinling innocently, not having a clue what kind of chaos was building up.**

**  
James swung Lilly up over his head barely straining a muscle grinning when the girls in the class sighed with pleasure. Then he droped Lily **

**ungracefully on the mat.  
**

**"Opps silly me."  
**

**Lilly stood up she was frothing at the mouth.  
**

**She raised her fist and brought it into contact with jame's face. Everyone could hear the distint sound cracking of a bone breaking then blood spurting **

**out of his nose.  
**

**"Potter hospital wing and dettiontion at 8. And yes you've got dettintion too Miss.Evans, now go see Dumbledor, when your done you can meet her **

**there potter, and you both leave my class intill you can act like 7th years and not 5 year olds."  
**

**She turned away from them and began insturting the class as if noting had happened ignoring the shocked stares of Lily and her open mouth horrified **

**that she was about to have her frist detintion. **

**Lilly grumbled and moaned and pissed and complained but her grades we important to her. So that was how she found herself trugeding along to the **

**empty classroom to fiind James so they could practice for the perfromence that the class was perfroming in 2 months.  
**

**She let out a sigh of defeat and opened the classroom door.  
**

**James stood inside he didn't look at all happy. He was standing in the middle of the room glaring.  
**

**"Listen i don't want to be here and neither do you. So lets just not talk to each other and get this over with."  
**

**He grunted and she took that as a yes. She yanked off her uniform quikly tell she was only in her workout outfit she had put on underneath. James **

**quikly followed suit. She found herself trying not to gasp or let her eyes bulge out of her head. James was in tight spandex black shorts and a black **

**spandex tank top. They were both tight and outlined his well formed body overly well. His hair was messy as normal but he was wearing contacts **

**instead of his normal glasses so that they wouldn't break well he was dancing. He looked absoulutely delicous.  
**

**She jerked what no he didn't he was rude, ignorant, retarded, an asshole and completely beautiful................ok so he was hot big deal there were lots of **

**hot assholes in the world. **


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: This is to everyone, I know that my spelling is HORRIBLE some of it is typing errors some is jus my own horrible spelling. I'm doing my best to work on it and to edit it. I'm sure you can notice improvment. As for the spelling of Lily i am sorry my friend's name is Lily but she spells it Lilly, to be different. So i'm kinda stuck in the habit i will fix it for now on. Also when i have time i will try to go back and edit the previous chapters. But for now please just be happy with the fact that the future chapters will be more edited. Also if any of you would like to help me with editing my story i would GREATLY appriciate it. :) _

_ChinChila1369: No, the dance class was the NEXT dance class AFTER the frist one, i'm sorry for the confusion. if you or anyone eklse get confused feel free to ask me. :) Also just inc ase anyone was confused about it, Lily and Makayla are not sisters they just call themselves that. I'm sorry this is my frist serious ficcy so i'm still learning i will try hard to not be confusing. :)_

_H8 2 break it 2 u: As i said i'm sorry the story is confusing in the future i will work on it. I don't really understand why you are confused about Remus being her bf. It is just another version of the story. Maybe not what really happened in the actul HP books, but it is called FANFICTION for a reason. I'm sorry about the McGonagall thing i din't know how to spell it. :) Also thanks for pionting out the layout thing i hadn't realized._

_allygater: Thank you, very much........and as i explained earler i'm sorry about the Lily thing. I hope that it is cleared up. :) A/N_

**James lay in bed staring into the darkness just able to make out the ceiling of the dorm as he had been living here for hours trying to sleep and his eyes had adjusted to the pitch black of the room. He was more angry about what was keeping him awake then the fact that he was awake. It was all her damn fault if only she hadn't gone and been born beautiful. He moaned and threw a pillow at the ceiling off the dorm. It hit and thumped back down on the bed landing on his head and he gave off a muffled string of violent curse words. It was all her fault that he couldn't get HER out off his head. Her image was stuck before his eyes like a paused movie. She had worn short spandex black shorts with white green strips on the sides. With a macthing sleeveless belly top. The outfit had clung to her curves displaying them teasingly. She had yanked her long thick red hair into a messy ponytail. She had looked more then just desirable or beautiful, she had looked like a goddess. God why couldn't he stop thinking of her like this? He hated her..............ok so maybe he had used to have this childish crush on her, but she had refused him over and over in till he had learned to hate her. But why were these feelings coming back? NO they weren't the same feelings. The feelings he felt now were hotter more demanding, making his body constantly ache for her. **

**Burying his head in his thick starch white pillow he bit hard on his lip tell finnally sleep came and eased his troubled thoughts.**

**Lily sat at the breakfast table next to Cassie listening to her, Kayla, and Marisa chatting happily she just couldn't bring herself to join in. Last night her dreams had been haunted by a certain Potter why couldn't she just forget him? She didn't know why but she knew that she had to do something before she went insane. She looked down at the bacon and eggs piled high on her plate. She just couldn't bring herself to eat them. Instead she picked at them boredly. She sighed and dropped her fork on her plate. She stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder. "Hey you guys I'm going for a little walk before class, to work off all the food i ate." She turned and escaped before they could object, she just needed some time to think. "But you didn't eat anything" Cassie called confused, after Lily. She walked along the edge of the lake wacthing as a few 1st years threw bread crumbs to the Giant squid and it swam to the surface gulping them down as if it hadn't been feed in weeks. She laughed bitterly. She wished she could be as careless as the 1st years. Bitterness rose up into her mouth almost like nausea. But it wasn't, nausea went away bitterness didn't, it just kept building up more and more. She felt a hand on her shoulder she spun around yelping loudly.**

**"Shhh. It's me Lily." she smiled at him hoping her smile didn't look as crappy as she felt. "Hey Rem." He traced his hand down her cheek gently. He looked into Lily's eyes with such intensity such great love that she wanted to fall to his feet and beg for his forgiveness. For what thinking another guy was hot? No it wasn't that it was the fact that he could love her with such depth and she only care for him mildly. Don't don't get her wrong she loves Remus with all her heart. But it just didn't feel like that one true love. You know? What was i talking about any ways i loved Remus i just was scared of commitment right? Wrong. She didn't convince herself so instead she leaned into Remus and put a hand on either side of his face kissing him roughly and deeply. She caressed down his back with gentle hands then ran fingers through his short hair. Then imagined his hair being longer and black with this messy and arousing look to it. Lily jerked away roughly gasping and turning her back to Remus quickly. So that he couldn't see her close her eyes against the tears threating to spill like wild fire. Hot and passionate. "I have to get to class." Lily bent up and grabbed her bag almost then ran to the castle.**

**Lily stared at the ceiling of the classroom, currently she was taking deep breaths with her eyes closed imaging butterflies and fluffy clouds, imaging anything, anything that is besides James Harry Potter. God dammit she's did it again she'd thought about him. God he was like a pesky fly.............Ok a very, very sexy fly that just wouldn't die when you hit it with the fly swatter. She sighed. "Ms. Evans i would be very pleased if you would pay attention! " Snapped Magonagal, breaking Lily's reverie. "I'm sorry Professor i had umm.... some thing on my mind." Lily stuttered in her own defense.**

**"Well i hope it was transformation, you have NEWTS this year you can't sit around day dreaming." She snapped without mercy for the wincing teenagers in her class. **

**After class Lily walked towards the owlery, she had to send off a letter to her parents. They insisted she send a letter every week. Which pissed Petunia off because her parents never begged her to send letters from her boarding school in France. She'd write the letter in the owlery and spend sometime with her owl Rêve. Rêve was pure white with pacthes of ebony and brilliant porcelain blue eyes. His name was french for Dream. Makayla appeared next to her. "Hey sis." Lily smiled at her "Hey. How's it going? " **

**"Nothing much i was thinking of going to the owlery want to go with me?"**

**"Well that's where I'm on my way too." Lily replied.**

**"Cool"**

**Lily nodded for a response and the headed to the owlery together. Lily quickly looked over her letter to review it, after quikly scribbling a few sentences.**

**Dear Mom and Dad,**

**Hey how are things going at home? School is going really well. I'm confident about passing my Newts. unlike others i know all i have to do is work hard,study and be honest. But I've got loads of homework to do so unfortunately i can't write a real long letter. I started a new Dance class this term it's really interesting so far. This term we are learning swing dancing. Funny that i already know it huh? Bet that's not a common skill. Well I'm sure you know who James Potter is, He also knows swing dancing. We are going to be partners in a performance near the end of this term. Will be the stars of the show. Well probley not but that would be nice.Well i really have to go. I love you guys lots and miss you tons.**

**Love,**

**Lily**

**P.S. Makayla says hi. **

**She folded the letter, it would do, there was no need for them to know anything else. She sealed it and handed it to Rêve. She petted him gently. "Take this to mom and dad ok?" Rêve hooted in answer. She kissed the top of his head, feeling his silky feathers caress her soft lips. Then she stood back and wacthed him fly away.**

**She looked over at Makayla who was still writing her 50 page novel to her boyfriend at Millerscrat, a wizardry school in America. **

**"Kayla i have to go so I'll see you at lunch ok?"**

**Makayla simply nodded in response.**

**Lily picked her book bag up and swung it over her shoulder heading out into the hallway. **

**Llly hurried down the hall and tripped on a crack falling with a quit scream. Someone caught her in their arms she leaned on them for a minute,out of breath She enjoyed the feel of the muscles that were pulsing beneath the cotton of his shirt. When she thought this she jerked away and looked up.........it was James.**

**She turned and started to run but he grabbed her wrist. She screamed and tried to break away from him but he was too strong for her. He didn't bench press 265 and not get muscles to show for it.**

**"You can't run from me forever,Lily."**

**She loved the way he said her name,the way it rolled off of his tounge in that all British way. God this couldn't be happening. She loved Remus right? She just had lustful feelings towards James that's all right? Now Lily wasn't so sure and it terrified her. **

**She couldn't answer him and simply started crying and sagged in his hold. He gently let go of her wrist. She dropped to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest sobbing.**

**"Lily...."**

**He pulled her up by her arms and hugged her close she rested her head on his shoulder.**

**He looked deep in her eyes. She couldn't help but look into his eyes. They were a deep,deep enchanting brown. They were like wells that you could drown in and enjoy dieing.**

**That scared Lily even more, knowing it was true.**

**He laid his lips on her's and kissed her chastely.**

**He pulled back a little.**

**"Tell me if you want me to stop."**

**Lily leaned in and pressed her lips on his again opening her mouth slightly and tracing her tounge on his lips inviting him to open them. He accepted. Lily slipped her tounge in his mouth and explored the taste and feel of his mouth it was a sweet and almost kinda tangy. **

**He pulled away from her.**

**"My turn"**

**He leaned in and began tasting her, the spiciness that filled her mouth like burning cinnamon. She leaned into him taking the kiss a bit deeper. He pressed her on the wall.**

**She dug her finger nails into his back a soft moan pouring out of her mouth and swallowed by his.**

**"Mr. Potter!!!!!! Ms. Evans!!!!! that is very inappropriate for the hallway 10 points from Gryffindor."**

**They jerked away and had the grace to blush.**

**"Professor, i'-i-i"**

**"Keep stuttering Ms.Evans it won't help you. At least now i know what has been distracting you from class." Magonagal turned on heel and walked away.**

**Lily looked at James her face turning redder then her hair.**

**"I've got to go." she made a run for it.**

**He didn't try to stop her, simply wacthed her retreating back, more confused and aching then before.**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Alright this post gets a little bit more graphic but not too bad, the next one however is VERY, VERY graphic just as a warning i don't want you guys reading anytihng that you might not like reading. :) Thank you all for your support.

skater/boy: Thanks you for your support, but you really don't ned to defend me agiashnt flamers, they have a right to state their opionion. :)

greengrl: Thank you again, i can always look forward to your review because i always know i can except turth and sincerity. :) See i think spandex is kinda sexy like in x-men drools lol. Yeah she likes him but she dosn't want to betray Remus and is still trying to deney her feelings. :) i agree that it was the best post far that's when things just start heting up. :)

ChinChila1369: Agian thanks. :) I had a good time writing this chapter so i could only hope that people would enjoy reaidn it. Thank you i apprriciate you support. :)

KMK: Thanks you, i'm sorry about the confusion as i said i will try and re edit old chapters later on but now i'm just to busy. :) Thank you soooooo much i would love you help with editing i you would like i can send you the next chapter to edit. :) my e-mail is 

shortgirl424: It seems like i will forever be saying thank you to people for the nice coments. :) But again thank you. Yes i know i'm so cruel to Remmie, and a sneak preview is, it only gets worse and there is a shower scence w/ Lily and James in wich well...... someone unexcpected walks in. wink wink A preview for only my most loyal fans. : D

I'm really sorry it took me so long to update i've been really busy with school. :)

James sat under the tree by Remus, Sirus , and Peter. He could hear them complaing about NEWTS and Remus lectruring them on how important they were but they seemed a world away. So in fact did everything else. He was still caught up in Lily's kiss ,the taste and smell of her. The whole scene kept repeating vividly in his mind making his body tense and gasps squeeze out of his dry mouth. He didn't get what the big deal was ,he had kissed plenty of girls before and he wasn't a virgin. So what was the problem? He didn't know he just couldn't get his mind off of her thick red hair that fell like a waterfall around her, framing her delicate heart shaped face or her sparkling emreld eyes. Or the feel of her body pressed on his. God he put his head in his hands. He was falling in love with her. Or maybe his old crush was getting stronger feelings. But whatever it was it wasn't good, then he looked at Remus and wanted to cry. Why was it that love had to be so hard, why couldn't everything be simple?

Lily didn't know what to do it had been two weeks since her and James's little "contact". They practiced their dancing like normal, but Lily always brought Cassie along or Makayla so that they weren't alone. It wasn't that she was afraid he would pounce on her, what terrified her was the fact that if given half a chance she would be the one doing the pouncing. She avoided him unless forced to be around him. But then she always kept someone near and was stiffly civil. She couldn't let James's get between her and Remus, more she couldn't let James's make her break Remus's heart. Maybe...........maybe if she got closer was more intimate wih Remus her feelings for James would fade into the background. She had been saving herself for someone spacial. But tonight when none of her friends could come she had almost given herself to James.

_Flashback _

_"Lily, where's your escort?" James's asked sardarnicly._

_Lily's bottam lip quivered and she licked it nervously to make it stop._

_"Still afraid i'm gonna molest you?" Bitterness showed roughly in his choclate colored eyes._

_He moved towards her and grabed her wrist pressing them into his chest and pushing her body between the wall and his firm quivering body. _

_"Maybe i will, maybe you denyed me too long. What would you do Lily, if i did? You know you're the single girl in my life who has ever deneyed me, that's gotta be hard on the pride." he said this all in a hard ,hurt and bitter voice. Fear filled lily's heart and for a minute she didn't doubt that he would do it indeed. He easily read the fear in her expressive eyes. Her let her hands fall his eyes turning sad._

_"You really think i would do that do you? That i could do that to you? Your a fool Lily Evans for all you A grades." Pain tecthed across every word that slipped out of his full lipped mouth. _

_She loved his mouth, it was so full even more then hers, and bottam heavy giving him a pouting look when he held them in a frown. She jerked herself.....what was she thinking?_

_"Just go Lily...........before you see a grown boy cry." _

_Tears glittered in his eyes as he turned away from her. She wanted nothing more then to hold him in her arms and wipe away the pain, she coldn't bear to hear the pain in his voice or see it wraped around the tightness of his body. Moving in a slow daze she pressed herself aiasnt his tight back will his musles ripple beneah her breasts. Making a warm tingiling feeling creep up her body. She muffled a gasp and sliped her arms around his neck. She pressed her lips, moist from her tounge onto the base of his neck. Mummering in barely uncomphriensible words, _

_"I love you James."_

_He turned arburptly in her arms now facing her with her arms still wraped lossely around his quivring neck._

_"What did you just say?"_

_Fear flashed in her eyes not fear of him but fear of herself and her actions. SHe shook her head numbly._

_"Tell me Lily, say it again now."_

_She again shook her head her eyesight bluring behind tears._

_He pulled her into his arms holding her now shaking body in his strong arms. HIs body rippiling teasingly agaisnt er touch. But he didn't make anymore moves just held her shaking, silently sobbing body in his arms. Buring his face in the waves of her hair. _

_"I love you." Lily whispered again. _

_Using both hands she pushed him an armlength away from her. Looking at his eyes. She could gaze at them forever even in her dreams. HSe moved closer pressing him between the wall an her own slender body. She planted wet kisses up his chest to his neck then moved her tounge detly in small circles at the base of his neck. THrilling in the taste of his warm sweat, and swet skin. His body rippled in pleasure and surpise underneath her causing her to gasp outloud. She pressed her mouth on his sticking her tounge into his mouth with brute force. Her opened hi mouth excepting her kiss. Fire burst inside the,m swarming over them in deep heat waves of lust and passion. She savored the kiss. Then he tuck incentive and filped her to the floor. Pressing his body ontop of hers. _

_"I need you." He breathed panting heavily._

_He sliped her top up till he could touch her breast aweing in it. Slipping it into his mouth. She moaned and gasped at the same time her body arching up in pleasure beneath his._

_His hand roamed to her thigh caresing itgently. sense brooke into her she jerked upwards sliping out from under him._

_"i-we can't do this"_

_longing, hurt and confusion souned loud and clear in her vo8ice. She grabed her bag running from her own passion._

_End of Flashback_

So she had only one thing to do she would go to Remus maybe if she was intimate with Remus she would love Remus despretely instead of James. She didn't know but she was clueless. So she looked down at her hands fighting back tears.

Lilly nervously studied herself in the mirror she wore her a emreld green velvet bathrobe when she opened it underneath was a black lace bra and undies with rich emreld silk mixed in here and there.. She had brushed her hair tell it shined and fell down her back in soft waves. The black was a sexy contrast against her pale ivory skin and the emreld brought out her eyes all in all she supposed she looked good enough. She hoped Remus would think so. She tied the robe tightly. And quietly snuck out the dorm and up to the boy's making sure to tip toe past the sleeping dorms. When she reached Remus's dorm she stepped in. She knew his bed was by the window. She tiptoed past a snoring Sirus in hot pink boxers and at another time she would have laughed. She winced slightly when she saw Peter in nothing but black boxers it was a little scary. When she reached James bed she stood and studied him for a minute. The moon spilled out from the window and spilled across his pale skin making it glow softly. His jet black hair was softly spread onto his pillow messily.

He had the cover pulled to his waist. His chest was bare she drew in a breath. Wacthing his muscles heave while he breathed, the moon making his pale fair skin glow with aweing beauty. He was so beautiful she thought as she saw his long, thick eyelashes flutter on his cheeks. She felt a deep sense of regret and a aching in her chest right where her heart was. A tear rolled down her cheek she quickly wiped it away and moved to Remus's bed. The curtains were drawn shut he was probley still awake. She slipped inside and quikly put an illusion spell on the bed making it appear empty. then she turned to Remus. He was sitting in bed with out the covers, in nothing but cotton plaid boxer's. She smiled at him forcing herself. It wasn't that he wasn't hot. But he wasn't James infact he was the opposite. He was very skinny tall and lean with wavy almost shoulder length blondish brown hair, that contrasted amazingly with his stormy gray blue eyes. He looked at her shocked" Lilly what are you doing here?" he whispered.

She untied her robe letting it slowly slide down her pale shoulders and slide down her curvy body tell it pooled at her feet. He stared at her and slowly his eyes glazed over.

"Oh god Lilly....i..."

He was to much of a sweetheart to make the first move in this situation, besides she was coming to him right? So she moved onto the corner of his bed slipping into his lap. And feeling the hard response of his body . Lilly leaned in and kissed him he just sat there for a minute but then started to slowly return it.

She caressed down his back felling his body ripple underneath her hands in response. Reminding her of someone's thick muscles and strong body. She bit her lip rying to keep burning pain from her eyes.

"Lilly..."

"I'm on brith control so don't worry and besides that i .....want you." she whispered softly to Remus.

Glad that the closed curtain that made darkness fill the small area, kept him from seeing the tears rolling down her soft cheek. He mummered something and pulled her under the covers with him.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, I've been really busy……. Yes I know that's no excuse but hopefully this post will make up for the wait. Thank you for all the offers to beta I will look into it I've got time right now so I'll do it this time though I will probley at some point have some of you guys beta the older chjapters since I didn't bother to edit them.

KMK: Isn't that kinda of a un-needed question? LOL

Shortgirl424: Thanks. Ya I know poor remmy. But he'll live lol, that wasn't meant to sound mean.

Greengrl:Yeah I know it was sad writing that part put the it wouldn't be so tragec and depressing I get teary eyed just writing it lol. Oh yeah love the hugh jackman action he was paticularly fine in Swordfish swoons lol. You're an X-Men fan too? That's cool I LOVE x-men now I have someone to talk to it about you should e-mail me sometime at LOL it's not that saucy is it??? LOL poor you, cuz it only gets worse wink wink .

Jazzlyn's Mama: You'll see………keep reading next chapter after this.

fluffy pink thing: LOL what do you think I'm doing keep reading you'll see plenty of Lil and James action if that's what your looking for. :p

Alright so here is the long awaited for post. J:

Lily felt the sun glare into her eyes she winced. Then she felt her body. It was sore "down there" and her proof of maidenhood was no longer there. Her whole body ached and she felt something sticky on her inner thighs, that made this seeming nightmare so much more real. Remus had been gentle but she still had been a virgin and besides the whole time tears had been streaming down her face as James's moonlight face flashed repeatedly before her eyes. She had cried for him regretting that she was giving herself to Remus and hating herself all the more for it. She had wondered how one could be so separated from another's passion as Remus had moaned heavily above her. Tears blinded her sore red eyes. The whole time she had wanted James's, she still wanted James. Tears rolled softly down her cheeks. She felt like a dirty tramp. And she felt like she was betraying Remus yet she had done nothing but admire James and a few kisses nothing large right? Wrong.......she felt like crap. And no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop the tears that were flowing like twin rivers of pain down her face. She hadn't found that she was desperately in love with Remus by having sex with him she found only that she was in love with James, more then she ever could have imagined.

She Felt like her world had shattered around her. she wiped away the tears and yet they kept coming. She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in her arms which were resting on her shaking Knees Which muffled the sound of her helpless sobs. Remus was gone out of the bed and she had a feeling she was late for her second class already and yet she didn't care. Nothing seemed to matter anymore but this overwhelming pain and longing. She felt sick and dirty and broken. She just wanted to be held and reassured comforted.  
And she loved Remus just not in the way she thought she had. She had thought giving him this would assure her how much she cared for him, instead in changed her whole view on things when it came to Remus. She felt again that stickiness on her thighs and knew that it was her was blood and she was still in her lingerie which was surely ruined. she pulled her soft robe around her for reassured and comfort.  
It seemed like nothing would be al right again.  
And in the midst of these feelings Lily forgot that the illusion spell on the bed had worn off long ago.

James came back up to his dorm he was supposed to be in the hospital wing for a headache but he obviously wasn't, he was cutting class. he needed to finish his homework. he got to the dorm and heard quit female sobs from Remus's bed. He walked over and was shocked. His jaw shaking with awe. Lily was holding her knees to her chest sobbing pitifully. Her brilliant red hair was mussed and in dreaded tangles and she wore a wrinkled green robe. The robe was short and from this angle he could see a flash off creamy white thigh. But it wasn't lust he felt it was concern.

"Lily....what......" She raised her tear filled eyes and saw him, she let out a sob and buried her face in her hands sobbing harder. Then he relized what had happened. She must have been a virgin.  
He walked over to the bed and lay down next to her pulling her into his arms. Lilly buried her head into James's broad shoulder and his body was pressed on her's. Not in lust but in comfort. She was no longer sobbing or crying but her body was still shaking. James's knew it was supposed to hurt for the girl the frost time but why was she crying like this? what was wrong? panic for her filled him.

"Lily he didn't hurt you did he"  
Lily sat up anger flashing in her eyes.

"No you bastard he didn't hurt me"  
James looked ticked off. "Well you were crying and it was obvious what had happened and that you were a virgin!" he snapped back.

"Well if it weren't for you it wouldn't have happened!"

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to prove to myself it was Remus and not you that i love. But all i did was prove that i don't love Remus that way at all, i love you. So now not only am i a dirty tramp but i am betraying Remus's love. Happy"  
James looked shocked.

"You"  
Lily lost the anger and just looked exasperated for a minute.

"Yes i love you, is that all you heard of what i said"  
He shook his head no.  
"Then why are you looking at me like that"  
His voice came out quitely and softly caressed her skin.

"I've been waiting for you to say that for years"  
She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"James......"

"I love you lily."

"This can't happen."

"I know lily, i know"  
He held out his arms and with a sob of half love and half sorrow she lay in his arms holding him as close to her as humanly possible. James lay pressed against Lily's warm side he felt pain in his chest stabbing through his heart, and if he had been alone he would be crying but he had to be strong. They lay together for a long time basking in each other's love soothing each other's tears and tears. The sun softly glowing on them. Then with sudden knowledge he relized that Lily still had blood on her inner thighs.

"Lily honey come on you need to shower we need to be out of here by lunch that would really suck if someone walked in here they would get the wrong idea. Lily let out a moan of objection.

"I don't think i feel up to standing that long by myself."

"I'll shower with you"  
He felt her body tense.

"No, not like that ,i-i meant i mean no funny business just to help you out i promise"  
She relaxed and mummered

"ok". 


End file.
